Letters From the Grave
To the editor of the Globe, April 4, 2017.
First I thought to myself, “Gee, that’s a pretty low blow; DEATHBED REUNION!… but, but, but…. I ain’t dead yet.” And then I thought, “My God, these lizards finally got something right! How did they do that? Fact is, I’m writing this email from my casket in Highgate Cemetery, among the worms, six-feet under. And Paul just threw the last shovel of dirt on the coffin.
So, thank you for your accuracy and a new appreciation and respect for the accuracy of your intrepid photographers and writers who saw the handwriting on the wall!
The late DAVID SOUL
To the editor of the Globe, April 10, 2017.
RE: THE S&H DEATHBED REUNION
What a splendid, moving ceremony the funeral was, with just the right amount of tears as I was lowered into the pit at Highgate Cemetery. I’m surprised none of your people tried to crash the funeral. But then, I guess it’s a case of out-of-sight, out-of-mind, huh?
By the way, did you know that Highgate Cemetery is also the final resting place for the likes of Karl Marx and George Michael? Didn’t realise what a famous hangout it was. Ran into Karl on my first day. He’s been down here since 1883 and starting to show it, but what a nice guy… often misunderstood, he feels. He gave me a copy of his book, The Book of Life, and urged me to read it in my spare time. Guy’s got a wicked sense of humour.
Things are going great since the GLOBE headline writers pronounced me on my ‘final legs’ and, guess what? There are no photographers — and fake news is banned! No paparazzi or stringers are allowed — except dead ones.
The later yet DAVID SOUL